Anti Jokes | Non Jokes | Anti Humor

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side, see you do know one! The funniest part about Anti-Jokes is telling them to people who are baffled!

Non or Anti jokes sometimes expose the fact that ordinary or real jokes have a dark side, read my collection of the best anti jokes below and you will gradually understand!

See below for the Anti-Joke chicken Meme which has another explanation for the origins of the Anti-Joke

>>> The Most Popular Anti Jokes >>>

>>> Best Anti-Jokes List >>>

>>> Chuck Norris Anti-Jokes List >>>

And while you are reading this I'm off to look for my camouflage jacket which I've lost in the woods.

The first time I ever heard of Anti-Jokes the one that both stunned me made me laugh was The Tractor Anti-Joke.

• Q) What did the farmer say who'd lost his tractor?

  A) Where's my tractor?

  
  

• Q) How many boring people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  A) One

  
  
  

• Q) A man walked into a bar

  A) His alcoholism is really worrying his family

  
  

• Q) Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

  A) Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest

  
  
  

  A) Real Joke : Because the parrots-eat-em-all

  
  
  

• Q) What's worse than getting a parking ticket?

  A) The Black Death

  
  
  

• Q) How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  A) It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.

  
  
  

• Q) How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini?

  A)You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved.

  
  
  

• Q) Did you hear about the two guys who wanted to go to Paris?

  A) They didn't go!

  
  
  

• Q) Why did the boy throw his Television out the window?

  A) Cause it was completely broken.

  
  
  

• Q. What's the difference between a duck?

  A. An orange. <<< This is the ultimate tough anti-joke

  
  
  

• Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?

  A: Red paint.

  
  
  

• Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas?

  A) Nothing

  
  
  

• Why can't Dinosaurs Talk?

  Because they are all dead.

  
  
  

• Did you know that Towels can cause Dry Skin?

  
  
  

• Two Chocolate Biscuits walk down the road

  One say to the other "Where do you live?" . The other replies "I'm not telling you, you might come round and steal my washing!"

  
  
  

• Q) How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

  A) A fish

  
  
  

• Q) Why did the plane crash?

  A) A loaf of bread was driving it

  
  
  

• See more Anti Jokes below

• Knock-knock.

  Who's there?

  Doorbell repairman.

• Knock Knock

  Knock Knock

  Knock Knock

  Knock Knock

  Drat no-one there!

• Knock Knock

  ...

  ...

  Come in!

This lens got a welcome traffic surge recently on March 3rd 2011 I Googled around and it seemed to because of the creation of the Anti-Joke Chicken Meme. As far as I can understand it's dedicated to people who tell jokes but don't really understand them!

Basically it''s because the chicken can't tell jokes, it explains them and ruins them apparently this originated on reddit.com

And now Meatloaf's got to do a DNA test!

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Has a dream-like quality

A man goes into a bar, he has a dog with him. The dog is wearing an eye patch. The man says to the bartender, 'Ask me about my dog'. Unfortunately the bartender does not hear him, because he went deaf in one ear as a child. He serves a woman at the end of the bar. When he comes around to the man with the dog again, the man orders an imported beer. He forgets what he was going to say about the dog.

A gorilla walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender finds this very peculiar and realizes he is dreaming. He then wakes up and tells his wife about the ridiculous dream he just had. His wife just ignores him, he rolls over and starts to sob because he knows his marriage is in a shambles.

• Q) Why was six afraid of seven?

  A) It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

• Q: Why are blonds so stupid?

  A: Scientific studies have found no conclusive correlation between hair color and intelligence.

• Q: What did Batman say to Robin to get him in the car?

  A: Get in the car

• Q) What's yellow and can't swim?

  A) A Bulldozer

• Q) You know when geese fly in a V formation? Do you know why one side is always a little bit longer than the other?

  A) That side has more Geese! (This one creased me up!)

• Q) Ask me if I'm an airplane, OK are you an airplane?

  A) No

• Q) I've been on a seafood diet lately.

  A) I've been eating a lot of trout and shrimp

• Q) Why doesn't a blond need a wrist watch?

  A) The advent of the cellphone with a built in clock has left the watch largely redundant.

• Q) Yo Momma is so fat!

  A) She needs to go on a diet

• Q) Why didn't the blind girl go to the party?

  A) She wasn't invited!

• Q) What happened when a Fox and a Rabbit met one day on a narrow path

  A) The fox ate the rabbit

• Q) How do you fit an Elephant into a car? (from Joel)

  A) You can't Elephants are really enormous!

• Ask me if im a tree.

  (are u a tree?)

  No

• What's the difference between a Gorilla and a Coconut?

  Their color.

• Has anyone noticed how much Daniel Radcliffe looks like Harry Potter?

An anti-joke starts with any one of a thousand joke openings, a man walks into a bar, a blonde and a red head, what's the difference between , a woman driver thus creating the expectation of a humorous punch line, we prepare to be amused , the anti-joke then deflates these expectations with an anti-climax leaving us slightly lost and bewildered. Some anti-jokes go further and expose that fact that the conventional joke was going to bolster our prejudices and enhance our feeling of superiority over another state, region, nationality, race, gender, political belief, religion or class. Sorry to be serious but that's how it is. I've not included any of the blunter anti-jokes that really expose this because I want this lens to be family friendly.

But leaving all this seriousness aside true jokesters find anti-jokes hilarious

Orange Head Man

A man walks into a bar and notices that the only other person in the bar has an orange for a head.

"Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you have you have an orange for a head..."

"That's right" says the man with an orange for a head. "I met a magical genie one day who granted me three wishes..."

"Amazing" says the first man, "Please continue".

"Well, for my first wish, I wished I was incredibly rich

"Did that happen?" asks the first man.

"It did indeed", replies the man with an orange for a head. "I'm probably the richest man in the world".

"Amazing!" replies the first man. "What did you wish for next?"

"For my second wish, I wished to be incredibly attractive to women, and that every day I'd meet a new one"

"Wow! Did THAT happen?"

"Of course all though it's difficult to get rid of the previous one!"

"No way, that's amazing!" says the first man. "What was your third wish?"

"Well..." replies the man with an orange for a head, "For my third wish, I wished I had an orange for a head."

Now I've shortened this joke and cleaned it up but it is best if you pad it out to keep building expectation of a funny ending, which of course never arrives!

1. Q) Why do they call a horse a horse.

   A) Because they speak English

2. Q) Why do undertakers wear ties?

   A) Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

3. Q) Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away.

   A) One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

4. Q: Why can't penguins fly?

   A: Because their wings are adapted to swim and not to fly.

5. Q: A Baby Seal walks into a bar

   A: The barman checks his ID and says "Too young"

6. Q: Why shouldn't you play cards in the jungle?

   A:) Because the smell and flashy designs may provoke animal attacks.

7. Q) What did one lawyer say to another lawyer?

   A) We're both lawyers

8. Q)..What would George Washington do if he was alive today?

   A) Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin

9. Q) What did Helen Keller name her dog?

   A) Fido

10. Q) A programmer, and engineer and an accountant meet up for an after work drink.

    A) Afterwards they go home to their separate apartments and think how socially inadequate they are.

1. Q) A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "Why the long face?".

   A) The horse doesn't respond because it cannot speak

2. Q) How do you confuse a blond?

   A) Paint yourself green and throw forks at her (took me a while to get this one!)

3. Marines handbook:

   When the pin is removed "Mr Grenade" is no longer our friend! -- Don't know if this is an Anti Joke but it creased me up!

4. Q) Do you you here about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero?

   A) He's 0K!

5. Q) What is blue and fluffy?

   A) Blue Fluff!

6. Q) What's green and has wheels?

   A) Grass. I lied about the wheels.

7. Q) What's red and hurts your teeth when you bite it?

   A) A brick!

8. Q) An Australian walks out of a bar.

   A) -

9. Q) what do you call a black guy driving a plane?

   A) A pilot

10. Q) If you say Gullible SLOW enough it will sound like Oranges

1. Q) What does it mean if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has $5?

   A) You both have 5 dollars

2. Q) Why can't Chuck Norris divide by zero

   A) Because it's impossible

3. Q) Why is Chuck Norris no good at ballet?

   A) Because he has never had any lessons

4. Q) Why did Chuck Norris eat his dog?

   A) Because he couldn't find the can-opener (that may be a real joke)

Is there something wrong with them?

When people hear Anti Jokes for the first time , they often think that the joke teller must be crazy or stupid. A few of them will later become anti-joke fans themselves, but many will continue to find them ridiculous. so is there anything wrong with Anti-Joke fans and devotees? One of the lesser well Anti Jokes suggests that if you like them then you are slightly autistic yourself! I prefer to think is that we are immunized by conventional jokes and see Anti-Jokes as the antidote to the same old borings jokes. I just personally found them funny from the word go; my first one was "What did the farmer say who'd lost his tractor?" I don't like them all I don't like the more brutal ones which expose that many conventional jokes really have rather a nasty message.

1. A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?"

   The duck doesn't say anything because it's a duck

2. A Man walks into a bar

   And gets drunk

3. A Bore Walks into a Bar

   And finds many soul-mates

4. Q) A Wild Boar runs into a bar

   A) Everyone panics while the barman calls Animal Rescue!

5. Q) A duck walks into a Bar

   A) The local animal protection officials took it back to the park

This section is kind of tough to organize as by definition anti jokes are are bad and heck it's everyone's point of view!

Q) Why did the Koala fall out of the tree

A) Because it was dead!

What's your favorite Non-Joke?

Do you love them?

Do You hate them?

Where were you when you heard your first Anti Joke.

I want to live in a world where a chicken can cross the road without having his motives questioned, don't you?

I do not have attention deficit disor...Ooh, look at the bunny!

And remember if you can't spell Armageddon it's not the end of the world!